The Robert Diaries.

I have said mean things about Robert Beltran in the past and I will sure continue to say mean things about him in the future. But today, today I just want to rave about how AWESOME (Notice the capital letters!) it was to meet him.

Welcome to my Robert Diaries.

Robert Beltran at “Trek-Gate to your Star”.

My alarm rang at 4.30 am that Saturday and while I hastily tried to decide which pants went best with my (admittedly low-cut) blouse, I couldn’t help but wonder: What on earth possessed you when you booked that train ticket?

My apartment was a mess when I left but at least I made it to the station in time – not without breaking my necklace though.

4 more hours and I’d be at “Trek-Gate to your Star”, a tiny convention in Dusseldorf, Germany.

Sinking in my seat, all I wanted to do was sleep.  But instead, daydreams started haunting me. I had often fantasized about this day. What would it be like to finally meet Robert Beltran?

I was exhilarated on one hand, uneasy at the other. Because, truth be told: I fell head over heels for Chakotay when I first saw him running through those woods on New Earth. Aside from Pierce Brosnan (who I madly adored since Dante’s Peak), Robert was the only man who ever made it on to my bedroom walls in form of a poster.

The first panel (with a face-lifted version of Babylon 5’s Claudia Christian) had just ended. So much for my early train. Robert’s photo session was next on the schedule.

I added another layer of make-up trying to cover the dark shadows under my eyes and thereby successfully smeared everything from deodorant to Earl Grey tea and banana on my blouse – which, by the way, I was wearing for the very first time. So me. So not cool.

(And in case you’re wondering now: No, I had not bought that blouse for that particular occasion!)

Excitement and anxiety mounted up while I waited for my photo to be taken. I was literally shaking in my boots, embarrassed about the beaming expression on my face. There I was: Once again ten-years old, once again sheeply staring at Commander Chakotay. Okay, to be frank, I wasn’t staring. In fact: I was afraid to look at Robert at all, afraid he’d easily recognize the look on my face. I knew I couldn’t conceal it. So, I rather concentrated on the other people around.

Interesting case study, I tell thee. There were women almost twice my age – all of them carrying my foolish grin, all of them floating on air like me. And oh! That smile. Those dimples. That twinkle in the eye. That guy still seemed to cast a spell. Hell, yeah.

He’s still got it.

However, I was determined to do this the grown-up way, to be my professional, journalistic self. And for my standards I did a pretty good job – at least until it was my turn. I confident as possible, I walked up to Robert saying “Hi there”.

FAIL.

He didn’t understand, thought I talked Spanish to him and within seconds all my pretended confidence was gone. The moment couldn’t have screamed “Awkward. AWKWARD” any louder. I walked out the door as “Hi-there-Karoline”.

Yes, well. Thanks for the teasing Robert. It was NOT appreciated…

So, later during the autograph session, I thought: Right back at ya! Giving him the eye I said: “Hello. I’m not gonna say ‘Hi there’ again.” It thankfully cracked him up and earned me a “Hi there, Karoline. Love. Robert Beltran” on my autograph.

What happened during the following 60seconds is a story that is best told over a glass of wine. Let’s just say: I got a little more than I bargained for, had my very own, very real J/C-moment and ended up playing messenger between him and Kate (which made me feel like mediating between my divorced parents).

Thanks for that, too, Robert. I like being put in weird positions.

The day rest of the day went by almost in the blink of an eye. I was rolling on the floor laughing during Robert’s panel – although he dropped the bomb, burst a bubble and left us in a state of total shock and awe for about 30 minutes. Seemingly he’s married now. Robert Beltran is married. Go and figure! MARRIED.

Oh yes, I had seen the silver ring on his finger before. It was actually the first thing a noticed. But I quickly dismissed the thought. We’re talking about Robert Beltran here – ultimate bachelor, womanizer, latin lover.

Still, the ring didn’t keep him from hitting on everyone with two X-chromosomes. Not without saying: Everything else would have gravely disappointed me. So, I ended my day sheeply staring at Commander Chakotay again: This time, Commander Chakotay getting drunk at the bar.

I could ramble on about that encounter because the story keeps giving. But the essence is: Robert Beltran lived up to my expectations (Who would have thought, I’d ever say that?). Flirtatious looks, wacky jokes, awkward moments: I was prepared for all of that. After all, I had 14 years of preparation.

Living up to expectations.

PS: While I’ve been busy raving about Robert Beltran, I don’t want to forget another Robert. Robert Picardo totally rocked that convention with his Italian cousin Alphonso and made the entire experience complete!

If I’ll think back to that Saturday, I’ll always remember the laughter first.

Robert Picardo, making the experience complete.